No need to explain….

“You don’t need to tell me why you are getting a divorce… that’s none of my business” – said no one ever.  Well, almost no one ever.   Too often I am seeing people (primarily women) feel the need to explain their divorce reasons.  They do this to offset judgement and scrutiny.  Stigmas strongly exist when it comes for divorce.   Some people stand firm that there are only certain reasons that make it acceptable to leave a marriage.  For many, profound unhappiness is not one of them. 

 At the end of the day, your reasons are your reasons.  Don’t work to get their buy in.  Focus on your healing and your kids healing.  Do not spend emotional energy on the bystanders.   

Here is your reminder, when it comes to your divorce make sure you know the difference between who is in your corner and who is in your business. Staying in a marriage that is nonexistent is what some people are more “comfortable with”.   I was reminded of my vows. Put in a category of “people throw away marriages at the first sign of trouble.”  And, you have to “stay for the kids.”

Those judgements had me oversharing and at times, trying to convince others to understand my choice.  Was it really their business?  Did they realize what it was like to walk in my shoes?  The anticipated heartbreak of my children is what kept me up at night for years. Agonizing years. At the end of the day, your reasons are your reasons.  Focus on your healing and your kids healing.  Do not spend emotional energy on the bystanders. 

Know the difference between people who are talking to you about your divorce to ensure you feel supported and those that want you to spill the tea so they can reshare it.   Many will want you to reveal the ugly details so they can compare them to their own situation.  It is even possible; they will offer support and share with the other side.  That just makes a bad situation worse. Be on guard! 

Keep the details private (for you and your kids’ sake) and only share with trusted people in your corner!