Divorce 101

Written By Kristen Jonas

When it comes to divorce, not understanding a darn thing on how it works is like jumping in a  body of water you have never been to, in the dark, with your kids.   What’s in that water?  How deep is it?  Is it weedy?   You really ought to wait for sunlight. First see what is in the water, get clarity, understand the depth and for gosh sakes, put on life preservers.   Maybe talk to someone who has been to the lake before and swam around (a Certified Divorce Coach).   Don’t jump and make someone (your attorney) save you!   Read on…..

 This is the 101 version of a typical divorce.  Call it a high-level overview.   Specific circumstances can alter this.  States may specify parts of the process.   The basics can give you a starting point.   

 

The Four Major Categories of the Process

 

1.      Legal

  •   Typically, one spouse files for divorce (Petitioner) and one receives notice (Respondent).

  •   In most cases both Petitioner and Respondent should retain a Family Law attorney to represent them, their rights, and interests.

  • Your attorney will provide services relating to legal guidance, communication with the other side, execution of documents, and navigating court.  

 2.      Financial

  •  Assets and debts acquired during the marriage are usually divided between the spouses.

  • Child support, Variable Expenses (see Digital Products), and Maintenance (also known as Alimony) are within this category.  Each situation alters the need for these forms of financial support and the amount.

 3.      Family

  •  If you have children, you must determine placement and custody arrangements.  Courts usually base decisions on the best interests of the child.  Placement is where the child is physically.  Custody is about decision making.

  • Alimony or spousal maintenance may be awarded to one spouse depending on factors like the length of the marriage and the financial situation of both parties.  The goal is to maintain the same, or equal, lifestyle after the divorce for a specific period.

  • Co-Parenting parameters are determined and documented in a Parenting Plan (see Digital Products).

  • Families are restructured and relationships with former in-laws are altered.

 4.      Emotional

  • Divorce can be emotionally taxing, second to losing a spouse you love.

  • A divorce coach can help minimize stress by providing direction and guidance. Divorcing people should also seek support from friends, family, or a counselor, and be prepared for the practical changes in their living arrangements and finances. 

  • Practice self-care.

5 Custody Fundamentals with Kids

 These are the categories that must be determined and agreed upon during the divorce process.   If you have joint 50/50 custody, these are the areas that allow for equal decision-making.

 1.      Education

2.      Medical

3.      Religion

4.      Finance Support

5.      Extracurricular

These 5 categories need to be extensively discussed, agreed upon, and documented in a detailed Parenting Plan.  See Digital Products.   In doing so, it will minimize conflict which better supports the children.

Kristen Jonas
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