Conflict, Kids and Money
As a divorce coach, many people I talk to are hesitant to spend too much time on a detailed Parenting Plan. Often, in the beginning couples are getting along. There are verbal pledges that no matter what occurred between them, they love their kids. They will always put the kids first before their disputes and be good co-parents.
Sounds wonderful. You have created almost an altruistic pact with each other. And, you believe it is rock solid. For some, this works and can stand the test of time through grade school, middle school and high school years. Cue the downward whistle here. This is not the case for most. Sooner or later, you will be faced with a difference of opinion when it comes to coparenting kids or the cost of raising them. The disagreement could be significant and steer you back to family court. You may even need to reengage your divorce attorney to help support you through the major differences.
Let’s do an example: Dad, Josh, believes his son, Wyatt, is ready and should play travel baseball. Mom, Kelli, believes Wyatt doesn’t love it enough and athletically, Wyatt is likely to sit in the dugout waiting for a chance to play. Josh says, “The sign up deadline is in 2 days. He should play.” Kelli says, “Maybe next year. I am not paying for it”. Under the deadline, Josh signed him up and said he will pay the registration. That only solves the first part. What about equipment costs? The travel costs? And guess what, Josh, some of what you just signed up for is on Mom’s parenting time. And, what happens with the other siblings when the weekend is a travel game out of town? What about their events?
How does this get resolved? Both feel they are operating in the best interest of the child. And, one is disregarding the other parent. And guess who suffers the most? Yep, the child. They feel the tug. The animosity. The counter parenting and opposing views. And may even be old enough to understand the cost implications to one parent.
This is one example of numerous opportunities for arguments and contested costs when coparenting kids without a detailed Parenting Plan.
Another consideration is this. Who will become the default parent? The child outgrew her volleyball shoes and shorts. She also needs new knee pads. The first practice is next week. Mom takes her for these items. Dad refuses to reimburse for one of many excuses: Was not consulted. Believes it is part of child support. Or just over all dodges the entire subject. This occurs time and time again with all three kids. Guess what you are, Mom? The default parent. You will pay and pay and pay to avoid the hassle, conflict or have your kids go without.
Want to avoid this? Your best bet to not have these parenting and disputes over variable expenses is a Parenting Plan that includes pre-determined decisions on how to handle Variable Expenses. See both templates. The Parenting Plan is 35+ pages that will take you through age 18. The Variable Expenses document has over 300 line items to guide you through most common scenarios.
Save yourself the disputes that create turmoil, and bring legal costs. Get a detailed Parenting Plan in place before your divorce is final!
