Easter and Divorce
Should we start with the bad news or the good news? I always pick bad news first. As a parent, you don’t want to miss anything. When it comes to sleepy eyes remembering that the Easter Bunny has likely come and hid a basket, you want to see them sprint around the house looking for it. Now, post-divorce, you may have that every other year.
The good news is that you DO get them at some point, and YOU get to make your new traditions. Holidays may not be on the day. But they will be peaceful, without eggshells to walk on, without dodging your spouse in the kitchen due to residual anger from a recent argument. Remember, after your divorce, you are starting your new normal and this is up to you.
As a divorce coach, I can’t cover this well for you without many repeated references to a Parenting Plan (see Digital Guides). Leaving these topics to be discussed and determined without parameters decided, agreed and signed off on is a recipe for conflict. That conflict will become holiday memories for your kids.
Don’t Pack too Much In.
Your kids now must split their time, and parents and Grandparents don’t want to miss out. The kids have more territory to cover. As my kids got older, they said it was too much. And they felt the stress of being late for the next parent. I recommend you write a very detailed parenting plan as it relates to the major holidays. Just don’t think shuttling them to a different location every few hours is a good idea. They just start playing with cousins…. Then it is time to leave! You may want to consider eliminating a stop to ensure the kids don’t feel pulled in 5 directions.
Family Traditions are Important
If your ex’s family always has brunch at his parents, it is important to maintain that. Write that specifically into the parenting plan. Also, if a tradition ends, such as the brunch just mentioned, you should write that a change in traditions warrant a change in how the holiday is handled.
If your side doesn’t plan ahead, you may have a 50/50 chance it will fall on your weekend. Write that in your parenting plan! “ The Smith Family Easter is TBD year to year. Notification of this date will be at least 3 days before”
Some Traditions will Change and Some will End
You can maintain some previous all family traditions now as a single parent or maybe you bring joiners, cousins or friends. If church as a family Easter Sunday was a big deal, you can still go as a single parent with your kids. If it is important to you, keep it! But if it feels too hard emotionally, change it and go to a community Easter egg hunt event instead. You and your kids can form new traditions. Just know, not everything can be status quo. Your family has changed.
Transferring Kids: A Parenting Plan Detail to NOT Overlook.
When it comes to shared holidays, make sure to write in the start and end times, and where the kids are transferred. I did not have these specifics, and on one holiday, my ex showed up at the family event to drop off kids, chatting with my aunts in the driveway, while I was waiting for them at my house. He wasn’t responding to text messages. And by the time I figured it out (my sister texted me, “Your kids are here”), I had a 20-minute drive. I lost out on an hour of my holiday time. Not to mention, he got to me! I stayed fuming for hours. Was my anger sensed…. Oh hell ya! Including my kids knew. If you want to discuss these details in person, schedule some time!
Conclusion
Once I started putting the holiday section together in my parenting plan template, I remembered all my experiential expertise! With almost nothing in writing in my documents about holidays, I had a lot of challenges. It took from the fun of their childhood. However, before divorce, when you discuss the likely scenarios, get the guardrails in place, layout the expectations you both decided on, it can bring some awesome memories for your kids and you!
